There is this... a tricky little something...

There is this… a tricky little trinket of a fanciful imagination unbridled and unbound by the strict code of conduct and often demeaning demeanor of an always relative reality... Pragmatic and practical, though it might seem, the truths, certainties, and veracity born of reality are composed of a series of untruths, uncertainties, and utter disingenuousness. The edifice of humanity was not erected with what is as its foundation. Rather, humanity’s purpose is to discover what could be… to ascertain and discern individual truth as it pertains to the one and only universal truth…

However, there is this… This one little trinket that I have and will further continue to dedicate my life to… It is a simple, four letter word… It is the source from which all my truths are derived… It is the spring from which my happiness flows… and its origin is… her…

Reality does not seem so real anymore. Eight months ago, all that I could see were closed and locked doors… But now, as I sit here typing, I cannot see the walls that supported the doors in the first place… My mind is not clouded by what is. It is filled with hope, anticipation, excitement, eagerness, and passion for the things that can be… for the things that will be...

To approach my meaning from a different path, one could say that… I Live dreams… Perhaps, to further elucidate my seemingly senseless musings, I should explain.

For a number of years now, on every falling star on every starry night, my hope, my wish, my prayer was the same… I asked for only one thing… her.

“God, I know you don’t always hear from me, and I know we ask a lot of you, but she is the only person that I have ever felt anything for. From the first moment that I saw her, I was hers’. There is no question, no deliberation. She is the one. Only you can see into my heart and soul and know the truths within. But when she looks at me, I can feel her burning, amber eyes looking at me... inside of me... God, I Love her. I will never ask anything of you for myself if I can just have this one thing. Please…” (Not verbatim, mind you… this is the abridged version.)

On every successive falling star, I would stare into the sky and think, or say aloud, “God, you know what I want…” thinking only of her… Even if accompanied by a friend... "What are you doing?" "I'm making a wish, and no, I can't tell you!" "Sorry, you just haven't moved for the past three minutes... just wanted to see if you were still alive..." ;-)

For the longest time, I thought that I would never experience true and uninhibited Love… “Why?” became my most frequently asked question… Why could I not let go of her? Why did every road always lead to her? Why was she the benchmark against which all other girls were compared? Why did I see her face on every girl that passed by? Why?

My reality was a nightmare, but my dreams were my saving grace… Internal conflict was all that I had come to know. Then, one day, I realized what I had become… and I also realized that my wish should not have been, “All I want in this world is her,” but rather, “All I want in this world is for her to be happy…”

What do you do in that instant when you realize that the very thing you have wanted for so long is far more important to you than your own happiness…
As the old adage states, “If you Love something, just let it go…”

I accepted the reality of the situation… But I never let go of the dream…

The reality: She was my best friend and I would always be there for her… no matter what…

The Dream: She was mine. My girlfriend, my best friend, and I would always be there for her… no matter what…

The Wish: “God, you know what I want…”

We remained great friends through it all… Then one day, May 16, 2007, a spark of hope filled my body with fire, reawakening a passion that lay dormant for so long… an anonymous note to people she knew...

“While we've had more than our share of ups and downs, I am so glad we've gone through what we have together. I think without all that, you wouldn't know me as well as you do- and I must say, I've shared more with you than most - and I wouldn't know you to be the person you are. Honestly, I sometimes catch myself thinking about what it'd be like if we could've worked it out. I almost wish we would have- but then again, maybe we're just too different. I've been dreaming about you lately. Kind of the same theme in all of my dreams. It makes me think about you a lot. I miss us hanging out, our talks. You intrigue me, and I sometimes find myself wishing I could call you anytime and not feel that I'm bothering you.You really don't know how much I respect and look up to you. Do you still feel the same? I wish we could just talk. That's all I want, maybe more if the chance came again. But that's all in the past and I blame myself.”

On May 27, 2007, I told my best friend that I still felt the same about her, but that I would always be her best friend, before I was anything else and that if we were going to do anything, we were going to do it right through communication and compromise… On June 6, 2007, I kissed her… I kissed my best friend, and she kissed me back… On October 3, 2007, I told her that I love her… and she said it… right back… I Love her with all of my heart and soul... Now there is only one thing left... The journey continues

Every path I’ve ever walked down, since the day I met her, has led me to her… Sometimes, we are struck by the clarity provided to us by hind-sight bias… It is always 20/20… I did not understand so many things along my journey to this point… But because of everything that we have been through together, I know we will make it. The really clever thing, though, is God’s plan… Had we been a couple in high school, would we be anytihing close to what we are now? Would we be better or worse? Honestly… I don’t care about what might have been… My life is in His hands, and I trust his reigns to lead me to where I am supposed to be... I believe, with blind and utter certainty, that whatever road He leads me down, she will be there with me, and I with her... I am, however, constantly looking forward to everything that can and might be, while treasuring every second of every moment of everything that is.

The key to the success of any relationship is an unrelenting devotion (on the part of both parties) to three things:

1.) Communication
2.) Compromise
3.) Participation

The key to success in life… Just read “How To: Life,” otherwise known as The Bible… ;-)

Well, thank you for reading this… just felt like writing something… not surprising that it turned out to be about my one, true Love… being that I think of her most of my day…

Have a great day…
SamyB